There seems to be a common theme going on with my subscription group members at the moment and that is that if they were just a bit thinner they would be more attractive and lot happier.
And this is something I struggled with for ages too so I totally get the calculation but it’s wrong.
If it was just as simple as that, we’d all exercise more and eat less wouldn’t we? There’d be no need for the billion pound diet industry making promises to make us thin and then not delivering for every one signed up to their programme, why would it work for some and not for others?
The secret is this.
Because it’s all in your head.
Attractiveness isn’t a state of size; it’s a state of mind.
We are all constantly and competitively comparing ourselves to others by way of seeing where we ‘fit’ into the world, and we equate people’s happiness on their size, their financial worth and their relationships, if all those things are tip top then we’d all be really fucking happy right?
Wrong. Happiness is not a given and certainly should never be assumed. EVERYONE is fighting a battle of some kind, we’re ALL human, and it’s the complexity of us.
This is why suicide isn’t exclusive to people who are overweight or broke or unloved. Even the slimmest, richest and adored choose to end it all rather than live in their external abundance and internal lack.
When we critic ourselves, when we check in to chart our happiness, we’re doing so through old stories that have been told to us throughout our life. We’re not looking at our size with clarity, we are looking at it drenched in bullshit we’ve been told, outdated connections that we’ve made ‘thin = happy’ and ideals forced on us be well-meaning ‘you’d look so beautiful if you dropped a few pounds’ or not so well-meaning others ‘you’re fat and disgusting, who’d love you’.
Along our merrier, innocent way we attach emotions to those words we’ve heard from others and we’ve equated that we are not worthy. Our negative self-talk around weight ‘I’m disgusting’ or our intellect ‘I’m so bloody stupid’ or even just our general looks ‘I hate my face’ only go on to further reinforce all our negative feelings we have already accepted as truth.
The problem with this is that the more importance we put on all the negative words we’re saying and hearing to ourselves (and others) the more we fail to notice ALL the stuff we DO have that is really FUCKING attractive. The stuff you should be honing in on, and indulging yourself in on the daily, see how many attractive attributes you can tick off as yours from this list, go hard, this is not the time for modesty.
- A Big Smile
- Hard working
And the biggest, most attractive possession any of us can have is…….
It’s a crying shame that your whole personality has all this incredibly positive stuff going on, stuff that if you really thought about would make you feel attractive, worthy and beautiful. And instead you choose to focus on the negatives, totally negating the amazing whole person that you are.
Negative thought patterns are old habits that have taken over our way of thinking, the good news is, habits can be broken and the true you, not the you others have you believe you are, is waiting to be released and shared.
I get that your body may not look like that of a Victoria’s Secret model BUT it’s been working solely and tirelessly for you every single second of every single day since the day you were created. Surely that deserves some respect?
When we start to show ourselves compassion, respect and kindness, we start treating our bodies this way, we make healthier food choices, we enjoy getting outside and feeling our muscles working, we appreciate the enormity of the job our bodies do and become less critical about the way it looks.
It’s time for you to create new habits around how you feel about yourself, then you will begin to feel some of that happy.
I want you to make a list, it may feel hard, it may take time but it’s essential for you to start seeing how fucking incredible you AND your body are.
List 10 Things that you appreciate and that make you feel good about yourself.
Stick the list in a place where you will see it every day. Read it over and over and over and eventually it will become natural for you to see all the good in you.