Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, shitty, bastard, wankballs.
Today I am riddled with hormones and I'm being a right grumpy old bag. You'll find me hiding in my bedroom surrounded by Cadbury's wrappers and self-pity.
Day 2 of my period has turned me into a total pain in the arse. TBF it's not only day 2 where I become a pain in the arse, it starts around a week before and lasts another week whilst I'm on, so basically for 2 solid weeks I am a total pain in the arse. That's half a month, every month where I should hang an 'approach with caution' sign around my neck to at least give people a chance to retreat, rather than get caught in my firing line.
Of course, my (long-suffering husband) bears the brunt of my disgusting moods, I'm a total bitch to him, even though knowing, by me upsetting him it makes me feel even worse. Lack of oestrogen and all the guilt's can bring down the strongest women. Plus it kick starts my already pretty crazy period ravaged mind, I start imagining him leaving me to find a more hormonally stable, happy go lucky, fun loving girl who puts out a little more often than this cranky old dried up prune! And the mood I've been in, I can't say I'd blame him.
You see, men can just drift through life. No month to month cycle for them, never checking the date, never having the 'shit, have I bled through' when they stand up on a heavy month panic. They've never had to navigate a Mooncup in a public loo! They never have to adapt to the constant shift in hormones/energy/levels/appetite or drag around a really fucking depressing 1/2 a stone of bloat.
It would be easy to think that they've got it made in that department.
But, in the case of my man, I think he's got a lot worse to contend with.
Me on my period!!
I mean, I don't even want to be around me when I'm on blob. I'd love to smile and swerve when I see my hormonally contorted face coming around the corner, but it seems I have no escape. God bless that poor guy though, he could pack up and run for the hills at any point, and yet he stays?
When I'm in the pits of my period I drag that poor dude in with me, and then, I just pick at him and pick at him and make it my mission to see if I can break him. It's not a conscious thing, I'm not an abusive wife (although don't ask him if I am), my hormones make me do it, honestly, for 2 weeks every month I become someone else, and she's a total bitch. And whilst I know it's pretty shit for me (hugely shit, it makes me cry) it's also pretty bloody pants for him too.
As I'm getting older I'm starting to see it coming and try to bat it off but it's just getting stronger, I'm 44 now and feeling the big M hanging around like a bad smell to remind me the best is yet to come. I'm becoming more aware of when I'm in total bitch mode, I send more apology texts to husband in the hopes that he won't run off with my imaginary nemesis, and I stop on the days when it's all a bit too much and I try not to leave the house and inflict my misery on the general public.
Today was one of those days.
I've laid on my bed for a couple of hours scrolling on my phone, watching catch ups on TV and eating my body weight in sugary goods. Then I spent another couple of hours on the sofa doing the same again. It does make me feel a little better, it stops some of the internal 'stop being a bitch' - 'I wish I bloody could' battles going on in my head.
It’s OK to bail on life when your body tells you to, you don’t have to wear white hot pants and spin the DJ decks when you’re on your monthly’s in a bid to prove that periods are just like every other day, that they won’t hold you back. They are not and they can!
They are messy and uncomfortable and the shift in hormones play havoc with your energy levels and moods. My taking a day off and busying myself in shit daytime TV and Pringles also means I'm preoccupied for a few hours, meaning my fella can stand down from defense mode for a bit, and (I imagine) give him the chance to reserve his energy before he has to brace himself for when he walks through the door tonight so really by doing nothing, I'm taking care of us both.
Any advice on how to manage the monthlys would be gratefully recieved!