On Sunday I posted this on my Instagram and Facebook. I've made no secret of the fact that social media can really fuck with my perspective and impact on me in a fairly negative way, it's the very reason that I wrote Filter Free. And on Sunday just passed, the imbalance and negativity took a hold, and it seems to be only getting worse.
I've just sat and watched Harry marry his Megan, and was I overcome with emotion, an emotion that I hadn't expected.
I've heard so much about Megan representing colour, America, divorcees, and actors, and I can totally understand why her marriage into the royal family was so important for anyone who fits into the categories that have been flagged, the categories that she unknowingly has become an ambassador for, but I didn't feel connected to her
Today I'm feeling totally shite!
I'm now old enough to have noticed a pattern, and I know that my mood is hormonal and will pass, but today, it's here and it's fierce.
I was gonna do a Facebook live into our community group to talk about how I'm feeling but I'm on the verge of tears, and while I'm not adverse to crying on FB, I fear that the emotions will take over and that I won't even be audible. When I'm in this mood, social media becomes a massive trigger and fuels my feelings of inadequacy, I know that it's healthier for me to stay away from it.
Almost every day for the last 13 years I've taken drugs in front of my kids.
I would do it openly, no shame, no fear, no rules.
It was no secret, it wasn't anything dirty, it was just me choosing to release the stress' of my life and the stress' of motherhood using a substance.
I was a high functioning addict.
I've just finished watching Come Home on BBC iPlayer and WOW, it really triggered me, I mean REALLY triggered me! Days of processing and crying followed.
13 years ago I left my husband and my 3 kids just like the mum in the show had (although mine came to stay with me half the week) and so watching the show I was propelled back to that time but now I was viewing it with full clarity.