How to Make Yourself Unfuckwithable!
*Guest blog post from Tracey Corlett: mum, mentor & master trainer on a mission to connect you to your inner super hero*
It is SO important to forgive yourself and others, rather than giving yourself a hard time replaying the pain. I am not saying this is easy, and it’s so much harder being objective and empathetic when you’re ‘in’ a situation, particularly an unhappy one AND whilst in pain. However, the power within the forgiveness is phenomenal and can lead to ‘unfuckwithability’. I will define this term from Vishen Lakhiani’s book ‘The Code of the Extraordinary Mind”
Unfuckwithable: When you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself. Nothing anyone says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you.
In order to attain this state part of the process is forgiveness: you can forgive the kids for not listening, you can forgive someone who cuts you up in the car, you can forgive your friend for always being late and these things are important. What about the parent that made you feel worthless, a spouse who abused your trust and left you or the trusted family member that physically abused you? Not so easy.
Dave Asprey founder of bulletproof, executive and author runs ’40 years or zen’. Very briefly, his work allows you to hook your brain up to a machine and it measures your brain waves for 5 days whilst you go through a process of radical forgiveness. This means you forgive to a place of love: you have to picture the person coming to you and you demonstrate true empathy for them and hug them. Only by doing this can you match your brain activity to that of a monk that has been meditating for 40 years. It’s $15,000 for 5 days and where top CEOs and the rich and famous go in order to bio hack their brains for a freer and more productive life. This stuff sounds crazy but it works!
“Hurt people, hurt people” Sandra D Wilson
Feeling those negative feelings about someone else is like wishing someone dead and drinking the poison yourself. You are hurting yourself. Learn to let it go and put a stop to the cycle of hurting.
Another super power emotion is empathy. Empathy is one of the greatest forms of intelligence there is. It was Stephen R Covey that said, “Understanding is the emotional equivalent of air”. If you don’t feel you have it, you’re constantly searching for it. If you really want to improve communications and relationships then first seek to understand, rather than seek to be listened to and understood first yourself. We waste a lot of energy trying to get others to see our view of the world, we can be so sure that we are right and they are wrong! Our view of the world is based on the number of years we’ve been alive and all the experiences we have had. Their view is completely different, and to them it is their reality and perception is everything. Climb down from your mountain of value and experience and climb to the top of their mountain and appreciate the view for a few minutes – you do not have to stay there.
If you are feeling stuck, drowning in anger, resentment, frustration and this forgiveness and empathy malarkey is just too big a step for you right now, and you don’t have a spare $15,000 to nip over to Seattle to find your 40 years of Zen, then my advice is this:
Concentrate on finding a better feeling thought…anything at all, one thing you can think about and smile on the inside about. Get lost in that thought for a minute, practice this regularly throughout the day. You get more of what you focus on so do not focus on your current reality if it is in anyway painful or in ‘lack’!!!
Allow yourself to get better and feel stronger, once you’ve conquered that, get to work on the forgiveness and empathy. Start writing a new chapter in your life, a better chapter.
You can do this – just focus on the result you want, do not waiver. Think how you’ll feel when you get this, allow these great feelings to give you strength. Don’t worry about the details of ‘how’ right now, just bathe in all the warm and welcoming good feeling.
For more of Tracey you can follow her on Facebook here.